Grandparent's Guide -- Caring for the Caregiver

Helping to Raise Your Children's Children

This web page is an excerpt from the Grandparent's Guide brochure written as a joint project of the Beatitudes Center for Developing Older Adult Resources (Center D.O.A.R.) and BlueCross BlueShield of Arizona.

Caring for grandchildren or arranging/or assistance through community agencies can be overwhelming for grandparents raising grandchildren. Feelings of frustration, depression, anger or guilt are not uncommon. There are ways, however, to recognize that these stresses are becoming serious and places that can help.

Do You Need Help?

The following questionnaire will help you become aware of the pressures and stress you may be under:
CIRCLE ALL THAT APPLY.

If the response to one or more of these areas is true, it may be time to begin looking for help in caring for your grandchildren and help in taking care of yourself. (The resources at the end of this page can provide some assistance).

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Where the Time goes

As a grandparent raising grandchildren, you can overextend yourself with too many activities and responsibilities. The first step to handling stress is to reflect on how you spend your time each day. Draw a circle and divide the circle into 8 equal pie-shaped pieces. Now, shade in the 24 hours of a typical day by asking yourself How much time do I spend? doing the following:

1. Eating
2. Sleeping
3. Giving care to grandchildren
4. Family activities
5. Job
6. Activities with friends, neighbors
7. Being alone
8. Other

After reflecting on a typical day, you can determine how much time you have for yourself and how much time you have with friends or other family members.

It is important to arrange for child care you can trust for short periods of time so that you can occasionally get some relief from the responsibilities of caring. If there are other grandparents you know who are also raising grandchildren, you may be able to take turns sitting for one another's grandchildren.

Time spent alone in any number of ways can revitalize and recharge you. Reading, listening to music and taking brief "walks may help to better handle the stresses you may experience during the day. Taking care of personal business also can help you feel more in control of daily pressures. There are special "ways you can learn to relax 'which will help deal with stress. Local mental health agencies or counseling centers can help you learn about these relaxation methods. Call your local information and referral number for names of centers.

Getting help is a sign of strength. There may be responsibilities in caring for grandchildren which could be shared with another family member, thereby relieving some of your stress. And, of course, there are some things you can't do no matter how much you would like to. Accepting and learning how to best deal with such things helps you save time and energy to handle those things in which you really can make a difference.

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Positive Points to Remember

There are some things that can be done to help manage the stress of caring for grandchildren. Remember:

1. That caring for yourself is a priority.
2. To know and respect your limits.
3. To arrange for time alone.
4. To arrange for time with a spouse, or other family members and friends.
5. To give yourself credit for things you do well.
6. That what you believe about yourself has a lot to do with the stress you feel.
7. That caring for a grandchild can be a partnership in which you share responsibilities.

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Support Groups

Many grandparents find a sense of comfort being able to share their thoughts, feelings and day to day experiences with others that are in the same or similar situation. Support groups provide this opportunity. They can also be a valuable resource. Listening to grandparents who have overcome parenting problems, found help with legal difficulties, or discovered a resource for financial aid, benefits everyone in the group and can save time and frustration. Grandparent groups are a wonderful source of support. They provide an opportunity to express thoughts and feelings - both positive and negative - in a safe and understanding environment. So often grandparents raising grandchildren feel isolated, since they don't know other grandparents raising grandchildren. A support group can provide opportunities for new and understanding friendships.

Conclusion

Grandparents raising grandchildren unselfishly give their love, time, talents and personal resources to once again raise children. In doing so they help to keep their families intact and become a stabilizing force for children whose lives are often full of uncertainty. They should be proud of their many accomplishments.

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Resources and Acknowledgments

Beatitudes Center D.O.A.R. (Developing Older Adult Resources) would like to thank Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Arizona for helping to make this publication a reality. We also would like to express our appreciation to those who attend our Project GrandCare support group. They are an inspiration to all who meet them, and their input has been invaluable.

National and State Resources

AARP (National)
Grandparent Information Center
601 E Street, N.W.
Washington, DC 20049
Phone: (202) 434-2296
FAX: (202) 434-6474

R.O.C.K.I.N.G., Inc.
(Raising Our Children's Kids: An Intergenerational Network of Grandparenting, Inc.)
P.O. Box 96
Niles, MI 49102
Phone: (6l6) 683-9038
FAX: (6l6) 683-2058

National Coalition of Grandparents (NCOG)
137 Larkin Street
Madison, WI 53705
Phone: (608) 238-8751

AARP Grandparent Program
4829 Shane Drive
Kingman, AZ. 86401
Phone: (520) 692-0499

Project GrandCare
Beatitudes Center D.O.A.R.
555 W. Glendale Ave.
Phoenix, AZ. 85021-8799
Phone: (602) 274-5022
FAX: (602) 274-6793

Children Need Grandparents Too!
P.O. Box 10884
Glendale, AZ. 85318-0884
Phone:(602) 979-1028 or (602) 971-7668

Community Resources

Arizona Department of Economic Security Information and Referral Desk: (602)542-4791

Aging & Adult Administration (602)542-4446

Child Protective Services (602)530-1800

Developmental Disabilities (602)542-0419

Legal Services (602)542-1645

Family Assistance (602)542-9935

Center D.O.A.R. GrandCare Program (602) (602)274-5022

Children Need Grandparents Too! (602)979-1028 or (602)971-7668

Community Information and Referral (602)263-8856

Community Legal Services (602)258-3434

Parent Support Center (Counseling &: Parenting Classes)(602)506-6339

Bibliography

BAUKNIGHT, BRIAN KELLEY. Of Gardens and Grandchildren: Reflections on Love and Life. Nashville, TN : Dimensions for Living, 1993.

CARPENTER, LIZ. Unplanned Parenthood. New York : Random House, 1994.

DE TOLEDO, SYLVIE AND DEBORAH EDLER BROWN. Grandparents as Parents: A Survival Guide for Raising a Second Family. New York : Guilford Press, 1995.

DOUCETTE-DUDMAN, DEBORAH. Raising Our Children's Children. Minneapolis, MN : Fail-view Press, 1996.

KORNHABER, ARTHUR. Contemporary Grandparenting. Thousand Oaks, CA : Sage, 1996.

MINKLER, MEREDITH. Grandmothers as Caregivers: Raising Children of the Crack Cocaine Epidemic. Newbury Park, CA : Sage, 1993.

MOLDEVEN, MEYER. A Grandpa's Notebook: "How to..." Ideas and Stories to Encourage Grandparent-Grandchild Interaction, Communication and Well-Being. Del Mar, CA : Meyer Moldeven, 1992.

POE, LENORA MADISON. Black Grandparents as Parents. Berkeley, CA : L.M. Poe, 1992.

TAKAS, MARIANNE. Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: A Guide to Finding Help and Hope. New York : Brookdale Foundation Group, 1995.

WASSERMANN, SELMA. The Long Distance Grandmother: How to Stay Close to Distant Grandchildren. Point Roberts, WA : Hartley & Marks, 1996.

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Revised July 2003